Spring is bad luck for me......

First of all, Jared and I are now separated. For good this time.  I'm so stupid for believing him last time he cheated. And the time before that, and the time before that, and you get the picture.

A few months ago we were having a talk about him and his relationships with women after I pass away.  The women he cheats with are always sleazy white trash, and I don't want someone like that around or raising my kids after I am gone.  So I mentioned a few women to him and said, "please go for women like these." Just as examples. Well I guess he took me literally and forgot the fact that I am still very much alive.  I was suspicious that something was going on and so I checked his text records.  He had been texting one of the women I mentioned to him. He told her lies such as "our marriage was over long before she got cancer" and little things such as I take back every gift that he buys for me. (Never once have I ever taken back anything).  I guess he lied to make her feel less guilty about what they were doing?  I don't know. I looked up to this woman, and thought she was an outstanding person. A nice church going lady.  My girls would go to her house and play, and her girls would come here too. (for those in the Vale area....I know you are curious as to who this is.  I won't tell you. That would be rude.  But her first name starts with an "L" and her last name starts with a "Z" and she had a business in town that shut down a few months ago where you could go have sweets, or a nice sandwich for lunch. Shocked?!?!  Yeah, I was too.)

The thing that hurt me the very most about the text messages were in the beginning, she said " But your wife is sick, she needs you"  and his response was "so???"  And the fact that she obviously believes the lies he tells her about me.  Nothing in the world bugs me more than someone being blamed for something they didn't do.  And who knows what kind of things he is telling people about me to make what he is doing seem ok.

On a positive note, I got to go on a 4 day get away with my high school friends in Boise.  I had the most fun I have had in years.  They really are the best friends ever.

The first day I was gone, Baylee broke her leg by landing wrong on her Grandma's trampoline.  She had Surgery to put some screws in and she is out of school until at least the 15th.  She is a trooper though, and Dallin and Tyleigh are quick to fetch her things or entertain her when she is bored.

I have been doing pretty good with my health the last several weeks, but the dreaded CAT scan is coming up at the end of the month and that makes me nervous.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with stress with all that is going on in my life. But other times I feel a weird sense of peace :)  Everything is going to be alright!  And there are things that I won't have to worry about anymore.  I feel each of your prayers for me, and I appreciate them more than you will know. Hopefully the Summer will be a little less exciting.  Some emotional boredom would be welcome.

Everything is stable for the moment...

My CAT scan showed everything was basically stable. There were two tumors that had questionable growth (shown in the images below).

The Pictures with the arrows show the tumors that MIGHT have grown a little. I figure if they aren't sure if they grew or now, then I shouldn't worry about it.  Still lots of healthy liver left, even with at least a dozen tumors.  I'm lucky I guess that the cancer spread to such a large organ.

My oncologist didn't seem to concerned about it too much.  I am staying on the same chemo regimen for the next 3 months and then scan again.

I also talked to the Dr about my fatigue and depression.  He put my on Celexa. I've been on it a week now, and I seem to feel somewhat better.  Between the medication and the sun coming out after a month of inversion I think I can start feeling more like normal.

Basketball season is winding down for Dallin's Freshman year.

Baylee's Basketball and Volleyball seasons are over.

One one of Tyleigh, my Bride of Frankenstein. 

I am so blessed to still be here with my beautiful family, making memories. Many more to come.

Small update, Lots of memories and Girls Camp 1984

  So I decided I'm going to use this blog as a journal/memory keeper of sorts. Not just cancer updates.  I want to save memories for my kids to be able to read in 20 years :).  I'm going to go back in time and record memories of my childhood, my children's births, wedding day ALL that I can remember.  I also want to ask a favor.  Use my email address lisaanniepants@gmail.com  and send me memories.  If you have a funny story, or any story that involves me I want you to send it to me. (PICTURES too please!!!) I am going to include those emailed memories in my blog. Not only will I get a kick out of it, but my kids will too. And it will help them know me better.

    So I have been having a big ol' pity party lately.  I guess I'm entitled because cancer and everything that comes with it really sucks.  Everyone is entitled to occasional pity parties as long as your life doesn't become a pity party. People that are in a bad mood or a "poor me" state of mind get on my nerves.  :)

    So I am feeling better emotionally (not so much physically, but I'm not going to go there right now).  I started taking my chemo pills again after taking a break for a few days.

   Part of my personality that really annoys me is that I have such a hard time asking for / receiving help.  No matter what kind of help it is.  I feel guilty.  Why is that?  Do I need help?  Yep.  But when someone actually does, it makes me cringe.  What is wrong with me?  I used to get meals. Gals would come over and straighten up the house.  I stopped it all.  Because I can do it myself.  I can cook, I can clean, I can drive myself to chemo. Even if I don't feel good most of the time I CAN DO IT.  I'd rather do it myself. It's not that I don't appreciate help. I really do.  I just have a hard time with it all. Always have. Any advice for me?  Why am I like that?

    Another thing that bugs me, is I am such a homebody.  It doesn't bother me at all to just be at my house alone. Don't get me wrong, I like being around other people (mostly my family). Being introverted bugs the heck outta me.  Such as...my wedding day was horrible.  Not because it was a horrible day, it wasn't. It was an awesome day.  But I hate being the center of attention.  And a bride is the center of attention.  All those people, and having to talk to them. EEK.  I just wish that I was the kind of person that could just go up and talk to people. BUT....once you KNOW me, and I feel comfortable around you, the real me comes out. And to tell you the truth I'm pretty much a weirdo. ;)


     So I was talking to my kids this morning and somehow ended up telling them a few stories about Girls Camp.  I'll share them with you.  Advanced warning....I have a weak bladder. Always have.  Especially when laughing.  We were lucky enough to be in cabins. I had taken a shower and had come out with a towel wrapped around me. My friends Jenni and Shannon were looking out the cabin door, exited about something.  I think they said a snake or a lizard. So of course I wanted to see it.  So to the door I went to have a peek.  They proceeded to yank the towel off of me, shove me out the door and lock it.  I was laughing, banging on the door begging them to let my naked self back in.  When they finally opened the door, all that was waiting for them was a puddle. :)  I had peed, then ran to the back of the cabin where there were towels and bathing suits hanging. I had to take another shower. At least I didn't pee my pants ;)

      Stephanie, Kara, Chloe, Jessica in their side of the cabin

(Jenni, Shannon, Susie- Girls camp)

   The last day of girls camp we have a "testimony meeting".  Anyone who wanted to would get up in front of the group and described what they had learned, friendships that had been made, lessons that had been learned etc. It was a very emotional meeting, where most of us girls were crying and listening intently. The scene was a half dome of stairs/seating with a fireplace at the bottom where the girl/leader speaking would stand. I was seated at the top of the stairs next to my friend Shannon. We were 12.  She started complaining that she was having cramps and thought that maybe she was going to start her period.  I chuckled a bit and whispered to her that it was probably gas pains.  Not more that 10 seconds later the quietness was broken with a very loud fart coming from Shannon's butt region.  Of course everyone turned around to stare.  Shannon proceeded to shove me and say "LISA!" Everyone thought it was me!  Of course being me I start laughing. I peed. Again. My urine started cascading down the stairs/seats toward others.  I spilled my hot chocolate on purpose, trying to cover the accident.  My friend Jenni went and fetched me a sweatshirt which I tied around my waist so I could go back to the cabin and change. I got back at her that night with shaving cream and toothpaste filled oreos,

                                                        Shannon waking up to shaving cream :)

Jenni, Suzie, Shannon, Jana....with our camp flag. We were the "Giving Pack Rats". Every cabin had their own flag and animal for their theme.

 Me on my camp bed.....this must have been about 1984?  Loved my Cool Ranch Doritos. Notice the picture of my cat on the wall?

Jenni on her bed.  Love the fact that she brought posters.  Michael J Fox and Rob Lowe.  Jenni has been one of my best friends for over 30 years and was my maid of honor at my wedding.