So I have been having a big ol' pity party lately. I guess I'm entitled because cancer and everything that comes with it really sucks. Everyone is entitled to occasional pity parties as long as your life doesn't become a pity party. People that are in a bad mood or a "poor me" state of mind get on my nerves. :)
So I am feeling better emotionally (not so much physically, but I'm not going to go there right now). I started taking my chemo pills again after taking a break for a few days.
Part of my personality that really annoys me is that I have such a hard time asking for / receiving help. No matter what kind of help it is. I feel guilty. Why is that? Do I need help? Yep. But when someone actually does, it makes me cringe. What is wrong with me? I used to get meals. Gals would come over and straighten up the house. I stopped it all. Because I can do it myself. I can cook, I can clean, I can drive myself to chemo. Even if I don't feel good most of the time I CAN DO IT. I'd rather do it myself. It's not that I don't appreciate help. I really do. I just have a hard time with it all. Always have. Any advice for me? Why am I like that?
Another thing that bugs me, is I am such a homebody. It doesn't bother me at all to just be at my house alone. Don't get me wrong, I like being around other people (mostly my family). Being introverted bugs the heck outta me. Such as...my wedding day was horrible. Not because it was a horrible day, it wasn't. It was an awesome day. But I hate being the center of attention. And a bride is the center of attention. All those people, and having to talk to them. EEK. I just wish that I was the kind of person that could just go up and talk to people. BUT....once you KNOW me, and I feel comfortable around you, the real me comes out. And to tell you the truth I'm pretty much a weirdo. ;)
So I was talking to my kids this morning and somehow ended up telling them a few stories about Girls Camp. I'll share them with you. Advanced warning....I have a weak bladder. Always have. Especially when laughing. We were lucky enough to be in cabins. I had taken a shower and had come out with a towel wrapped around me. My friends Jenni and Shannon were looking out the cabin door, exited about something. I think they said a snake or a lizard. So of course I wanted to see it. So to the door I went to have a peek. They proceeded to yank the towel off of me, shove me out the door and lock it. I was laughing, banging on the door begging them to let my naked self back in. When they finally opened the door, all that was waiting for them was a puddle. :) I had peed, then ran to the back of the cabin where there were towels and bathing suits hanging. I had to take another shower. At least I didn't pee my pants ;)
Stephanie, Kara, Chloe, Jessica in their side of the cabin
(Jenni, Shannon, Susie- Girls camp)
The last day of girls camp we have a "testimony meeting". Anyone who wanted to would get up in front of the group and described what they had learned, friendships that had been made, lessons that had been learned etc. It was a very emotional meeting, where most of us girls were crying and listening intently. The scene was a half dome of stairs/seating with a fireplace at the bottom where the girl/leader speaking would stand. I was seated at the top of the stairs next to my friend Shannon. We were 12. She started complaining that she was having cramps and thought that maybe she was going to start her period. I chuckled a bit and whispered to her that it was probably gas pains. Not more that 10 seconds later the quietness was broken with a very loud fart coming from Shannon's butt region. Of course everyone turned around to stare. Shannon proceeded to shove me and say "LISA!" Everyone thought it was me! Of course being me I start laughing. I peed. Again. My urine started cascading down the stairs/seats toward others. I spilled my hot chocolate on purpose, trying to cover the accident. My friend Jenni went and fetched me a sweatshirt which I tied around my waist so I could go back to the cabin and change. I got back at her that night with shaving cream and toothpaste filled oreos,
Shannon waking up to shaving cream :)
