First of all, Jared and I are now separated. For good this time. I'm so stupid for believing him last time he cheated. And the time before that, and the time before that, and you get the picture.
A few months ago we were having a talk about him and his relationships with women after I pass away. The women he cheats with are always sleazy white trash, and I don't want someone like that around or raising my kids after I am gone. So I mentioned a few women to him and said, "please go for women like these." Just as examples. Well I guess he took me literally and forgot the fact that I am still very much alive. I was suspicious that something was going on and so I checked his text records. He had been texting one of the women I mentioned to him. He told her lies such as "our marriage was over long before she got cancer" and little things such as I take back every gift that he buys for me. (Never once have I ever taken back anything). I guess he lied to make her feel less guilty about what they were doing? I don't know. I looked up to this woman, and thought she was an outstanding person. A nice church going lady. My girls would go to her house and play, and her girls would come here too. (for those in the Vale area....I know you are curious as to who this is. I won't tell you. That would be rude. But her first name starts with an "L" and her last name starts with a "Z" and she had a business in town that shut down a few months ago where you could go have sweets, or a nice sandwich for lunch. Shocked?!?! Yeah, I was too.)
The thing that hurt me the very most about the text messages were in the beginning, she said " But your wife is sick, she needs you" and his response was "so???" And the fact that she obviously believes the lies he tells her about me. Nothing in the world bugs me more than someone being blamed for something they didn't do. And who knows what kind of things he is telling people about me to make what he is doing seem ok.
On a positive note, I got to go on a 4 day get away with my high school friends in Boise. I had the most fun I have had in years. They really are the best friends ever.
The first day I was gone, Baylee broke her leg by landing wrong on her Grandma's trampoline. She had Surgery to put some screws in and she is out of school until at least the 15th. She is a trooper though, and Dallin and Tyleigh are quick to fetch her things or entertain her when she is bored.
I have been doing pretty good with my health the last several weeks, but the dreaded CAT scan is coming up at the end of the month and that makes me nervous.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed with stress with all that is going on in my life. But other times I feel a weird sense of peace :) Everything is going to be alright! And there are things that I won't have to worry about anymore. I feel each of your prayers for me, and I appreciate them more than you will know. Hopefully the Summer will be a little less exciting. Some emotional boredom would be welcome.
